I poke fun at myself and how I’m such a schmuck,
I daydream of escaping and that sometimes gives me hope,
I blame the stress of parenting (start of the slippery slope)
Not getting any younger, but convinced I’m still a looker,I strut my stuff in Asda like a middle-aged old hooker,
Catching the eye of the checkout girls, they get my full attention
The problem is they’re far too young, or heading for their pension.
Except the girl in the bakery, who always has a laughShe’s got great buns and perfect baps and a whole loaf or a half.
Of course I am a married man and wouldn’t dream of cheating,
Besides my wife has a rolling pin for flirty husband beating.
I don’t get out much these days, there’s no escape for meExcept to walk the bloody dog as soon as I’ve had my tea
It’s always cold and miserable and usually it’s raining,
We have a dog who misbehaves, despite its blooming training.
I guess it’s just delinquency or perhaps a bit resistantSo fits right in to our bizarre dysfunctional existence.
Specialist schools, psychologists and enforced life restrictions
We struggle on from day to day despite strange looks from othersThe judgemental masses, ignorant or plain rude mother f***ers
Yes, we are the ones whose child is kicking out and screaming
I’m sorry if this affects your life so perfect and so gleaming
You see our son has Autism and thinks in different waysChanges and sensory overload bother him most days
A meltdown means that he has reached a point of no return
He’s not misbehaving, naughty or kicking off for fun
Family life is stressful for everyone at times,
It can seem like a sentence worse than that for crimes
Take solace with some laughter and see the funny side
And a healthy doze of wine or rum helps to stem the tide